poems about a man i love and a man i didn't

The following two poems were written after a weekend with two different men.
One I loved, and one I didn’t.


remember how this feels

I am happy when I make a cheap cake from the box
When I am not part of the collective consciousness
When a man with a beautiful penis adores me
When a man with a beautiful penis sees innocence in my mess
When a man with a beautiful penis turns to me
in the morning, that time in the morning
when his testosterone is spiking -
when he is huge hands
and I am soft tits, warm hole

I am happy when I hallucinate figures
in the corner of my eye.
When God finally gets me to sit down
and stop speaking, scheming, spinning myself
into sickness.
When someone says "look at that"
and I've never seen that before in my life,
When Wednesday feels like Sunday,
and I remember summer
only consumes half the Earth.
When I think about dolphins.
And when love intertwines with the oxygen
in the room
and no one asks how much it is worth
or where it should go
or who it belongs to


sleep over

Waking up
next to a lonely man
is like witnessing a herding dog
trapped in a bedroom.
He'll jump nose-first into your chest,
and press paws into your stomach.
He knows you want to sleep in,
yet still fills the creeping dawn
with loud jingles and jangles, clacking his claws heavy
into the wood floors - all so that you'll just finally turn over
and choose him.
He'll press a large, sweaty torso into yours,
making sure you feel its weight and power;
he'll become all mouth and hair and eyes,
all ribcage and teeth.
You'll suddenly remember that a dog
is both a pet and a predator.
One day, this dog will hump you
while digging his snout into your ear
and as God comes to the rescue,
as the dog’s owner shakes
the warm, animal body off your back,
a voice will say with certainty:
"It's not sexual,
what the dog was doing.
It's just about dominance."